No Excuse for Excuses

So here we go. Why shouldn’t I write? The reasons vary and the list can venture into something as trivial as re-arranging your sock drawer. But that’s not what I’m going to talk about here. There are several, I’m sure, versions of this type of rant on the internet so indulge me and read on if you will. This is my little pep talk for me, and you if you like, to get some shit done. This is my way of putting the excuse back on itself, and realize if I want to be a writer then there is only one thing that can make that happen. I have to sit down and create.

I have a wife, three kids, and two dogs. I don’t have time. But you know what? I do have time. If I can watch The Tonight Show, or something on Netflix, then I can sit down and pound on the keys until something legible can be formed on the screen. If I can stare into my phone, drool on my shirt, and catch up on the happenings on Twitter, then I can move my fingers across the keys and hammer away some sentences (plus I tend to drool less while writing, it’s a win-win).

I’m not good enough? Fuck that. Stephen King wasn’t good enough either. Kurt Vonnegut sold cars for a time. What did they do? They wrote through that shit. They got all the bad out until shit started happening for them. Whatever you do, don’t talk about writing, just write. Talking about writing is like milking a male orangutan, you’re not going to get much out of it except for a confused and maybe pissed off greater ape that is your dreams withering away. Does that make sense? To hell with it, I’m on a roll. What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Don’t talk about writing, but be sure not to talk about any ideas you may have. Two things will happen if you do this. One: you will not be writing your great idea diluting its greatness with every retelling, and Two: you will most likely here about everyone else’s great idea for a book, which always sound kind of lame. So think about it. Are you going to write? Or are you going to be one of those lame ideas?

Inspiration is not an excuse either. Just sit down and write, “This blows goats,” over and over until you figure out a different sentence to write. Then write that sentence repeatedly until something else materializes. Trust me it works. I wrote, “This sucks,” for three lines, until I started some sorry ass sentences filled with excuses. Then out of nowhere, because that’s where inspiration and ideas comes from, I’ve written two pages about something that doesn’t suck.

But, what if the story, or idea, isn’t original? Let me fill you in on something someone said. You are a unique snowflake, just like everybody else. Now you might think that is harsh, but so what. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Look at this post. I acknowledge the fact that there are probably a shit ton of other articles just like this out there for anyone to find, and most of them are probably easier to find than this blog, but that’s not stopping me.

It all boils down to the old Nike catchphrase. If you want to be a writer, or plumber, or monkey wrangler then the only person that is going to get that done is the one with the ability to find the nearest monkey plumbing school for writers out there. It doesn’t exist? Well holy shit, you just found a real true snowflake to make your own. Go do it. Go get shit done and to hell with the excuses.

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